Monday, June 19, 2017

When it rains, it pours.

We often hear the saying when it rains it pours, almost exclusively for bad things.

Bad things happen in threes, and Murphy's Law also propose that bad things happen almost always on top of each other.

I don't think so.

I think we get tested. I think that things happen in a way that will test your heart. Test your perseverance. Test your will to find the good in any situation and fight like hell to bring that good to the surface.

Once it's on the surface, we can revel in it.

Father's Day was yesterday, and when I was scrolling through pictures of my Dad and I, I came across one that almost made me cry just looking at it.

It was from last July, taken at 8:52 A.M.

It was a snapchat and while we're both smiling, there is so much going on under the surface.

Two nights before, I was in the hospital.

I had the worst anxiety attack of my life (and let me tell you, there's been many), and Matt was so overwhelmed with what was happening, he didn't know what else to do.

I'll be honest. I don't remember much of it. I remember bits of being in the hospital, but I was in such a state of panic and stress that I think my body shut down as a preservation method, to prevent me from reliving it.

The hospital had to call my parents. 

Dad drove in the next morning.

I was fine after. There were so many factors going on behind the scenes that contributed to that night, I am honestly surprised it didn't happen sooner.

I'm disappointed I didn't listen to the signs that attack showed me.

I remember calling mom the next morning and telling her what had happened leading up to that night, she said

"Do you want Dad to come in?"

I said "No, I'm okay"

She said "Jayne, he wants to come in. Is that okay?"

I just started to cry, so in he came.

My parents were 4.5 hours away.

Having my dad with me for those crucial 24 hours, was one of the most comforting, uplifting, heartwarming days I have spent with him. He just held me while I cried and cried. Talked when I wanted, and took silly snapchats with me.

I really think the world tests us, by having the worst happen all at once to see how we handle it, to make us strong and to make us appreciative.

Then we get the best.

Looking back, I am so proud of how I handled myself during that time. I can look back with a clear conscious and accept what happened.

It made me appreciate where I am now.

Now, I'm good.

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