Wednesday, May 17, 2017

I'm Guilty.

 Is anyone else like me ? Have the gene that makes me ALWAYS feel guilty? I mean, ALWAYS.

Seriously, pick a scenario where you wouldn't expect to feel guilty. I will prove you wrong, and feel guilty. If I go out, I feel like I should have stayed in. When I stay in I feel as though I am letting my friends down or I have FOMO and immediately know that this was the night I should have went out!

If I am too busy at work or say in a movie and someone texts me and I can't answer for a couple hours, I might as well delete the number because that person now hates me and we can never speak again. But if I was going to text them first, I can't do that. I texted first last time and the last thing I would want to be is annoying, I should have better self control!

(haven't annoyed this one too much yet!) 

This guilt also translates into how I feel when I do things for myself, and how much I struggle practicing self love. It is so hard for me to practice self love and not feel guilty. If I sit down on a week night to have a glass of wine *gasp* alone, I automatically assume I am on the road to alcoholism. I have trouble having a nice, long, hot bath, going for a run without Cuba or even if I text a friend to hang out. I feel like a physics project, with every action there is both an equal and opposite reaction.

There is about all I learned in physics ..

and maybe d = v/t?

So, I find ways to justify it. I find a way to equate what I want to do with what I think I should be doing. If I stay home on week nights and do adult things (clean, cook, laundry) I allow myself to go out guilt free at least ONE night of the weekend. If I get up early to go to the gym before work two morning, I can sleep in one. If I get a bath for one hour, laundry for two.

(The best love when you can't love yourself is puppy love) 

When did this happen?  When did becoming an adult become the same as not being allowed to enjoy life? And why do I feel the need to justify looking after my own happiness and well being? How do we stop?

What are some of your guilty pleasures ? How do you justify them?

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