Wednesday, May 31, 2017

Advice to Incoming University Students.

 I figure now that I am a graduate and all I am 100% qualified to write this post that's been in high demand

(it hasn't been in high demand)

 Since I started the trek to get my degree four (!!!) years ago, I'd like to think I learned a lot.

Think of me as a wise old owl of sorts.

And who am I to deprive the new University students of 2017 the chance to hear some advice from a wise old owl.

Keep reading, cause it is about to get real.

Have a wild phase. Stay up too late, overindulge with your friends and dance so many nights away at clubs that you'll cringe at for years to come. But know when to pull up your socks and stay home. Know when school needs to take priority and work at it.

Take courses for fun. Take the course that has no relevance to your degree because you have heard the professor is awesome. But for the love of goodness, don't leave the hard courses for your last semester.

Stay in touch with your high school friends!! Make the effort to keep them in the loop and stay in touch, they knew you at a time when no one else would have wanted to be your friend. But befriend people in your program, and soon (you need notes when your overindulging keeps you out and you sleep through class).

Remember to call your parents (and grandparents) because they will be the only ones who always answer your calls and will be there for you when you feel the most alone. Your parents are going to be there for you no matter what, and they deserve a weekly (or daily) phone call.

Fall in love, hard. Fall in love so hard you cant stop smiling and your thoughts are consumed with weddings and you doodle your married name in your notebook.

Then get your heart broken. Bad. Lie in bed and cry, wonder if you will ever feel happy again. Wonder how you could let someone hurt you this bad.

But then you'll fall in love again. It will be different and better than you could have ever imagined because it won't be a first date kind of thing. It is a real love. A partnership. A family.

Change your degree. Change it again. Find what you love, find a degree that makes learning fun and makes you excited to calm down and throw yourself into it. Don't do what your parents want, friends want or society wants. Do what you want, anyone who loves you will love you regardless.

Find friends that love you for more than going out on the weekend. Find friends that have fun sitting around playing cards or going out for supper. Find friends you can go days without taking too and pick up where you left off.

Through all of this, remember to love yourself. Find what makes you smile, what brings you joy and what gets you out of bed in the morning. Allow you to find joy within yourself and bring it to everything you do.

Love yourself first.

Monday, May 29, 2017

What makes me anxious.

Most of the time, I feel as though I have a pretty good handle on my anxiety and all the quirks that come with it. I've been living with this mental illness (knowingly) for over four years, so very little issues that come with it surprise me anymore. 

That doesn't mean that the most outrageous things don't still trigger me though, such as: 

Losing my Mom in a store: I have been known to walk around Dominion just saying "Mom, Mom, Margot, Mom" until I find her. There may have also been tears shed. While I get nervous losing anyone I go to the store with, Mom is definitely the most stressful for me. 

(A happier time, when no one was lost.)

Calling someone: With the exception of Matt and my parents, I can't call anyone without working myself up to it. Writing out a script, deciding how long I will allow the phone call to last and practicing my "Hi ____, It's Jayne" a million times is just some examples of the preparation that goes into a phone call. 

Going to a place I don't know many people: Parties when I first started dating Matt were the worst thing that has ever happened. Luckily, his friends are wonderful. But those first few parties are burned into my brain.
(this is from the first party I went to with Matt, I spent it with the dog) 

Going somewhere I used to know someone: The only thing more nerve wracking than meeting new people is seeing people you used to be friends with. Do you act like nothing has changed? Ask about them? Pretend you know? Bring up the new relationship you only know about through social media? How do you act ???? 

Getting a text from an unknown number: I don't have the preview on my phone, so I have to unlock my phone and then read the text. When its from a number I don't know or someone I don't expect to hear from, I panic. Who are they? What do they want? Why are they texting? So many questions, so little answers. 

All-in-all, life brings up many anxious and awkward encounters. Strength and mental well being is found in how we handle them. 

What are some things that make you guys anxious? Anything unusual? Anything the same as me? 

Thursday, May 25, 2017

52 thoughts before I get to work.

 1. At approximately what time can I go back to bed?

2. Cuba, are you snoring or growling?

3. Why do I work? I want to sleep.

4. Would Matt be mad if I got a sugar daddy?

5. Why are people up this early?

6. No, Cuba. You can't bark this early.

7. Why are you pulling into a driveway? Where were you all night, sir?

8. Did I shower last night?

9. I was suppose to go to the gym this morning.

10. There's always tomorrow.

11. Is tomorrow Friday??

12. Nope. Okay.

13. What about the next day?

14. Should I go out this weekend or sleep?

15. Cuba, please stop barking.

16. Can I eat breakfast?

17. Should I make coffee?

18. How do people wash their hair EVERY MORNING

19. Should I wash my hair this morning?

20. As if I have time for that.

21. No, Cuba we can't play catch right now.

22. I should stay home with him today.

23. I need to hurry.

24. I am running late.

25. What should I watch on Netflix while I am getting ready?

26. Is a new podcast out today?

27. Cuba, stop barking.

28. Did I brew coffee?

29. ..and now I don't have time to do my hair. Top Knot!!

30. How do people do nice eye liner wings every day?

31. I'm out of eye brow makeup (or mascara, or eye liner, highlighter.. etc.)

32. Will this work instead?

33. Great, now I look like a clown.

34. Without lipstick I look sick.

35. I should order a Kylie lip kit.

36. Maliboo? Mary Jo K? Koko K? My options are endless.

37. I wonder what Kim is doing right now.

38. I wish I could text her.

39. ILY KIM.

40. Crap. I'm really late.


42. Sorry I yelled, here's a treat.

43. Did I start the car?

44. Should I be starting the car? Isn't that bad for the environment?

45. Crappppp I didn't pick out an outfit last night.

46. This will have to do.

47. Time for a selfie !!

48. Oh, no. No time for a selfie.

49. Cuba, stop crying. Please.

50. What shoes match this?

51. I need to go shopping.

52. Do I have time to get a coffee??

All before 8 am ... Happy almost weekend friends!!

Good news! McDonald's finally has XL coffee ... and its as big as my head!!!!

What are the first thoughts that come through your head in the morning?

Wednesday, May 24, 2017

The Types of People You Find in the Dog Park ..

 Cuba and I have become regulars at the Dog Parks in St. John's. In Grand Falls it was just never feasible to go there, for whatever reason.

(otw to the dog park) 

However, since we have been going, I have noticed that there are certain types of people that go there, and no matter how many people are there they all fall into one of these categories.

There's the Suzannes. The person who bring there dogs there but have no intention of letting them run around of play with the other dogs and follow their dogs around to carry them any from any interaction with other dogs, and if they do happen to get into a scuffle with another dog the leash is clipped on and they are out of there! These people either have Chihuahua's or Huskies. Susanne is usually accompanied by Cindy who stands outside the park with her dog until they can continue their walk.

Then there are the Ben's of the dog park world. They bring their dog there exclusively for training and he will train your dog too! He's a real life Caesar Milan, he is. Your dog will learn all the cool tricks - as long as you don't interrupt his training session. Throwing a ball? Not while he's around. His dog is there to learn, how dare we interrupt!

The Anti-Ben, usually hangs around on the opposite side of the Dog Park from Ben, We call him Trevor. Trev is there with his young pup to burn off some energy. The pup will run around, chase anyone and anything and probably bang into every single person there. Trev's dog will be the one interrupting Ben's training sessions.

They might come to blows.

Aside from these lovely people, there is also Jenni and Chad . Jenni and Chad are dating, and so are their dogs! They can't believe their luck that their dogs fell in love and so did they!! They're here on a date, this is their spot.

And then there is the Jayne and Cuba's of the world. We have a strategy. I go to pet all the dogs, and he goes to get all these people to pet him! It works well for us both, really. I get to pet all the dogs while Cuba gets to get attention from all the owners.

Except for Ben, he's training his dog.

Monday, May 22, 2017

I am old.

It's the Monday of a long weekend and I have zero desire to do anyyything until work tomorrow. Seriously, it is a shower and put back on your pajama's kinda day. 

My favorite kinda day honestly, they only happen once in a little while between work, friends, school up until a month ago. So days that Matt and I can just hang out and do not much besides go to the gym, watch Netflix and relax! 

I have taken up painting canvas and trying my hand at calligraphy !! I'm not very good but it is very relaxing, and very fun!! 

 (This is mine ) 

(Made this for Matt, when he picked me up for our first date he had an ABBA cd in, so the band has always held a special place in our hearts)  

(Made this for Mom's office, but she says its not appropriate for work) 

The rest of the weekend was wonderful!! I think I am probably turning into an adult, because I did not go to a cabin or downtown but had the best weekend I have had in so long !! 

Friday night Meg and I had supper at my fave low key place! Good food and cheap beer will always make me a repeat customer.

Saturday was even better!! After cleaning the house (which, spoiler, is super satisfying) I had some friends in. Just a couple of my fave people in to play cards against humanity. 

Its always enjoyable when you can do absolutely nothing special and still have the best time! 

Also, I am pretty sure I am turning this blog into a full advertisement for Old Navy but HOW CUTE is this dress ?? (And its 30% off today so I mean...) 

We ended the real weekend (yesterday) with a sushi buffet at somewhere other than Sushi Island! Are you shocked? Me too. 

Good food and great friends. I laughed harder than I have in a very long time, and smiled so hard my cheeks hurt! I realized how old I am because there was not one part of me that wishes I had been downtown. 

Its so much more important to like who you're around, for those people to make you feel good and to not have to put on any shows for people. I am so happy with the people I have chosen to surround myself with ♡

That was my long weekend !! 

How was yours? 

Wednesday, May 17, 2017

I'm Guilty.

 Is anyone else like me ? Have the gene that makes me ALWAYS feel guilty? I mean, ALWAYS.

Seriously, pick a scenario where you wouldn't expect to feel guilty. I will prove you wrong, and feel guilty. If I go out, I feel like I should have stayed in. When I stay in I feel as though I am letting my friends down or I have FOMO and immediately know that this was the night I should have went out!

If I am too busy at work or say in a movie and someone texts me and I can't answer for a couple hours, I might as well delete the number because that person now hates me and we can never speak again. But if I was going to text them first, I can't do that. I texted first last time and the last thing I would want to be is annoying, I should have better self control!

(haven't annoyed this one too much yet!) 

This guilt also translates into how I feel when I do things for myself, and how much I struggle practicing self love. It is so hard for me to practice self love and not feel guilty. If I sit down on a week night to have a glass of wine *gasp* alone, I automatically assume I am on the road to alcoholism. I have trouble having a nice, long, hot bath, going for a run without Cuba or even if I text a friend to hang out. I feel like a physics project, with every action there is both an equal and opposite reaction.

There is about all I learned in physics ..

and maybe d = v/t?

So, I find ways to justify it. I find a way to equate what I want to do with what I think I should be doing. If I stay home on week nights and do adult things (clean, cook, laundry) I allow myself to go out guilt free at least ONE night of the weekend. If I get up early to go to the gym before work two morning, I can sleep in one. If I get a bath for one hour, laundry for two.

(The best love when you can't love yourself is puppy love) 

When did this happen?  When did becoming an adult become the same as not being allowed to enjoy life? And why do I feel the need to justify looking after my own happiness and well being? How do we stop?

What are some of your guilty pleasures ? How do you justify them?

Sunday, May 14, 2017

Momma's day weekend 2017

Happy Mother's Day to all the Momma's out there! Whether your babies have four legs and wet noses, are yours by choice and not blood, or the traditional momma's, you all do a very important job and the world wouldn't be what it is without your selflessness!! 

Last year on Momma's Day, I did a huge post about how much I love my mom, and then I didn't blog anymore until a couple weeks ago so lets hope its not a tradition, however feel free to hop back and see how awesome my Mom is here

This Mother's day weekend was a little different. Mom and I are living together in St. John's now, so I didn't have to go in home to see her!! Colour me excited. 

Friday when I got off work, we went for Cuba's check up!! That's right, it had been 10 days since his surgery and we are happy to report that he is healing nicely!! 

  (Cuba after his surgery) 

After that, my Grandmother was on the way into town! So we got Goggy *which is what I have always called her and don't plan on changing. I couldn't say Grandma and it stuck* settled into the house and then took her out on the town! 

Well, we went to Big's. 

I'm really lucky in a lot of ways. But one of the biggest things I thank my lucky stars for is the fact that I genuinely love Matt's friends, and they at least tolerate me! My friends and his friends all get along really well, so we all went to Wingin' it and then Dooleys for some pool! 

I've been on both sides of a relationship where either their friends don't like me, I dont like them or some combination. I am so unbelievably thankful that this isn't the case now. 

Saturday was spent shopping and relaxing as any good Saturday should be spent! 

Then, today we celebrated! 

This is easily my fave outfit right now. I've (so far) paired it different ways to wear to work, going out and for a brunch! The jumper is from Old Navy and can be found here, and today only its 50% off!! Also, this jean jacket was a steal! Mom found it for me at Winners for super cheap, but you can find similar here, which is where I normally get my jean jackets from! 

We met up with my Uncle Paul and went to Bacalao for Mothers Day brunch! 

Seriously, the French Toast was dipped in nuts and cereal. It was easily one of the best brunches I have ever had. And I brunch. I brunch hard. 

 All in all, this Mother's Day was really special because not only did I get to spend it with my Mom, but also Goggy. Spending time with the three generations is always special. 

How did you guys spend your Momma's Day?  

Wednesday, May 10, 2017

me vs. the dentist

I did something really exciting last night !! I followed through on one of my 5 goals for being more accomplished and basically just finding ways to make my own happiness.

I found a writing class. And what's more, I loved it. I went in hoping to have a couple hours to just sit and write the world's next worst seller but what I got was so. Much. Better.

(almost as good as this wine)

We went in and once we got acquainted we had 5 minutes to write any words we could think of that start with the letter M. Then anything we could think of that was red. What was interesting though was that our teacher made sure we knew it didn't have to be serious like "apple, fire truck, strawberry". Immediately what came to mind for me was "red sky at night, sailors delight. Red sky at morning, sailors take warning" so for me, red meant both delight and foreboding. Realizing that a color can mean such different, strong words to me really opened my eyes. It was such a lovely experience and really forced me to analyze the way I write and share with people who may not write the way I do, but have very valuable feed back.

Other than that, Matthew and I celebrated 18 months this weekend! I am well aware that 18 months is not an anniversary but it is so easy to take someone who is in your life every day for granted and I really am so appreciative of everything Matt does for me, so it was nice to simply acknowledge the day and take note of how far we have come and how much we have to look forward too!!

( ♡ ) 

This week I have fought tooth and nail (literally) to get over a fear ingrained in me for as long as I can remember. When I moved out on my own, basically the only situation I over exerted my freedom was with the dentist. I am petrified of the dentist. I would rather almost anything than have someone rooting around in my mouth, poking and prodding. However, due to a poorly done filling from way back when I have now been to the dentist twice in the past three days with another appointment on Friday. With a referral to the Root Canal specialist AND the oral surgeon for my wisdom teeth removal.

Yes. It's going well. Dentist - 3 ; Jayne - 0

Luckily I have gotten in with Matthew's dentist, who happened to live next door to him when he was a little boy and doesn't mind spilling some cute stories to help the time pass faster!

What I am trying really hard to learn is that life is never easy. It will never be effortless to be happy or content - it's a never ending battle. I think people get confused when they think about happiness and look at it as a destination, as oppose to a direction. There will always be setbacks to happiness (dentist) but they usually are followed by something greater.

Tuesday, May 9, 2017

Let's talk about Facebook ..

Let's talk about Facebook. 

In an age where information is the most important thing, next to having enough likes and followers of course, having thousands of friends on facebook is the norm. However, I have some questions. 

Do you know all of these people? Why do you need to keep them all in your loop? Do you communicate with them on the norm? Or do you have a sort of like for like agreement that you both subscribe to, to keep them around? 

I really only use facebook to share things, memes I find funny and to keep in communication for family that I don't communicate with enough to have their number but don't necessarily want to loose complete contact with. I also appreciate the group chat feature on messenger for people that don't have iPhones (I know.. these people still exist) and to have people around that I don't get to see on the daily but have a genuine interest in their life. 

(for example, this angel that I haven't seen since 2012 but remains one of my best friends)

Now, I get it. I have some people on there that I don't know personally. But either I was at some point and am not ready to let go of, or I plan to be (significant others of close friends, work colleagues I like, etc). However,  I have no problem deleting people that I have no interest in seeing their posts and don't particularly care about them seeing mine. 

I just don't understand why it becomes so 'rude' or a person is seen as 'bitter', a 'bitch' or hateful when they choose to keep their lives to themselves. I just don't want to accept a friend request from someone who hasn't bothered to wish me a happy birthday in three years or someone who I have never met in person and I know are only adding me to be nosy. 

My twitter is public .. @jaynehamlyn 

so is my instagram .. @jaynehamlyn

Heck, add me on snapchat (anyone wanna guess what my handle is there ?? Ya, its @JayneHamlyn) 

But please, please, PLEASE don't hate on me for wanting to keep one thing to people I actually care about. 

Tuesday, May 2, 2017

I need a favour...

Its 8:10 PM and I am completely ready for bed. Being a real adult feels an awful lot like being 8 years old... I love it. There is not much to worry about only going to work and looking after myself. And one other person.. 

I don't know if any of you guys know, but I have a pupper. 

This is Cuba. He joined my family in July of 2003, after capturing my heart the month before at the Exploits Valley SPCA. Every weekend my grand parents would take me to walk a doggo at the shelter (the closest I could get to having a real dog, at the time) and I got Cuba as a fluke. After walking him, he was all I could think about, all I wanted and I have never loved another being as much as I do this guy. 

He is my kindred spirit, my best friend. Since he moved to the city with me in January, we are rarely apart, although, truth be known; work has thrown a wrench into our days spent at the dog park and walking. Caring for Cuba also means I'm with him for the not so great days as well, like when he is sick and needs to go outside to use the bathroom five times between 12 and 6, when he is loud at other dogs when walking by him and freaks the f out and days like tomorrow, when he's going under anesthesia for the first time since he was fixed in 2004.  

He's not the toughest, biggest dog. He is my baby and I am petrified, I know I did a serious post yesterday, but if you guys send positive thoughts and prayers mine and Cuba's way tomorrow, I'll keep you laughing for the rest of the week. 

Now, before I scare everyone (and myself) too much he is only getting a growth removed from his foot. But Cuba is old, and has other issues (which I can't get into without breaking my own heart). It should only be a day procedure and he should be back taking up my bed tomorrow night. I would be lying if I didn't say this is taking up more of my thoughts then it should be. 

Cuba came into my life for my 8th birthday, and since then he has been the one consistently licking up my tears, barking and dancing with me when I am happy and lying in bed with me and not leaving my side on the not so good days. I feel as though I shouldn't leave his side tomorrow, but I'm not allowed in the room and I have to work. But my thoughts will be with him.

Please, please please, keep yours with him as well.  

Monday, May 1, 2017

I'm not a blogger.

Today was going to be a "5" post. Basically, I would just tell you five things that I am loving lately. But, in my infinite wisdom, I did a list style post Thursday and I don't want to repeat myself or for this reading to get boring for you. SO .. 

I was at a loss, so I started googling and the deep dive into the internet and the cruel world of blogging surfaced. Everything from "How to get 100k readers in a month", "How to increase the traffic on your blog", "Writing prompts for popular posts". I read each and every one of those posts, and as I felt the familiar swell of anxiety, panic and failure swell in my chest I had an epiphany. 

I'm not a blogger. I'm not here to make a profit or to become "internet famous". I'm not here to get a TV show or to be discovered. I'm here for myself, I'm here because I love writing, I like having something that I have motivation to write everyday. I'm not going to lie to you guys, I like the feedback, but I would like the negative feedback, too. (Not an excuse to tear me apart, fyi.)  I like writing and I want to improve upon it, I have so many projects and ideas for the future that involve my writing, so I want it to get as good as I possibly can.

I want to write about me, my life, my struggles and my success. I want to write about my dreams and aspirations, my setbacks and my hesitations. I want to write about whats on my mind, my musings and my thoughts. Sometimes, it might be personal, scary, boring or funny. That is all me, it might be all about Cuba, Matt, friends, family or nothing. Maybe a combination, but it will always be 100% me, what I want to write and when I want to write. It might not get me 100k readers in a month or get much traffic on my blog, but I'll know that my readers are interested in me and my life, they are engaging with the material. They can know that everything I write is genuine.

I hope thats enough.