Remember me? No? Okay .. Fair enough.
Remember when I said I didn't feel as though I was in the right frame of mind to blog and I didn't want this to become a place for me to just gripe and complain? Extend that by an extra year and basically, that will explain my absence.
In the past 15 months, I have lost a dear family member, ended up in the hospital for a super bad infection, moved, then moved again, was in an awful situation that landed me back in the hospital for a semi- mental breakdown (not fun, all the love to my partner for getting me through this), worked two full time jobs and went to school, moved AGAIN to get out of the awful situation (not my choice to move again, but was easily the push I needed to start me on my road to recovery), lost track of where I was headed, lived alone, and finally, finally moved into my wonderful apartment where I live now with my pupper and sweet Momma.
That is a very condensed version of what has been going on. I couldn't process it fully while I was going through it honestly, and while it was the hardest time of my life, I can look back now and see that I am surrounded by some pretty amazing people that have never made me feel like a burden or like I was crazy for how I was handling everything (spoiler, I wasn't).
Flash forward to now:
I have finished my degree (fingers crossed, grades aren't out yet) and am in the process of finding a career. In my new found wisdom I am trying to look at it this way, not in trying to find a job but by trying to find a place that will help me grow, a place that will become a home and I can put some roots down.
I am in a relationship with the most wonderful man. Seriously, see that blurb above about what the past while has been? We started dating roughly two months before that and he stuck by through it all. Never in my wildest dreams did I imagine I would find someone that gives me the support and faith he does.
Ethan Bickford for our photos!)
I have some of the best friends I could ever imagine. While I may not have as many friends as I did as a teenager, and we might not talk every day, I have some of the most solid people I could imagine having. They are always there when I need someone to talk too, when I need advice or when I just need a drink. They don't make me feel guilty or lesser than I am, and it took me a long time to realize that that is the making of a real friend.
I have a mental illness. While I knew this before, the past year I have really worked on getting it under control. I know what/ who my triggers are and work to avoid situations that might inflame my anxiety. I see a counselor who helps me remain present and stay in the moment, helps me work through issues and see all sides. I am no longer ashamed of it. It is a part of who I am and while it gives me personality quirks that I may not love, it makes me, me and how could I be ashamed of that?
So, if you don't want to read anymore - fair enough! I'm a little less people pleasey and a lot more sassy than I used to be, because I am unapologetically myself. I want to blog and I want to be here, but I am not hiding anymore.