Tuesday, June 20, 2017

To Me, From Me.

.

 I'm coming in hot to my 22nd birthday, which means I can now

A) Listen to 22 by Taylor Swift as much as I want and really mean it when I sing "I don't know about you, but I'm feeling twenty two"

B) Call myself an adult because I have been legal in ~EvErY CoUnTrY ~ for a year

and

C) Give unsolicited advice to everyone because that's what adults do!!!!

Aren't you excited?

In all seriousness, the older I get the more I can look back and see how many mistakes I made, time I wasted and just things I could have done better.

So, I thought, why not tell yourself what you would have done differently?

Write a letter to yourself entering those dreaded teen years, so here goes!!



A letter to Myself - turning 12

 Hi Jayne!

You're entering ****Jr High**** this year and SO excited about it.

You're feeling super old and like you know everything there is to know, about anything.

A lot is going to change for you over the next couple of years so listen up!  

Stop obsessing over being on people's Summer Friends list. Because if you weren't friends already, you aren't going to be because your name is on the super exclusive list, and second of all, they aren't going to call half of those people anyway! So stop worrying. Worry about keeping your friends that are your year round friends. Crazy, I know.

For the love of goodness, spend all the time you can with your grandparents this summer. I know golf is early, and all your friends are sleeping in, but go. Cherish every single minute you spend with them. It will be the last summer this gets to happen and although you don't know it then, these will be some of your favorite memories, so don't be a brat.

Please don't wear the tiara to your birthday party next week. Just do yourself a favor, because 10 years later you're still cringing about it.

Some new kids move into your block this summer, go make friends. They are some pretty special people, and although you drift apart in a few years they really stick by you through some really tough times. Appreciate them.

Smile more!! You have very little to worry about right now, so enjoy it. Play spotlight with the kids, and eat alllll of the ice cream. You're way to young to be worrying about your weight, learn to love yourself a little sooner - you'll be better for it.

YOU DO NOT NEED A BOYFRIEND.

You are 12. I literally can't believe I need to type this. But you don't. Boys will come and go a million times over before you find one that is right, so don't start so young.

Don't kiss the boyfriend because other people say you should because, yes, your first kiss was terrible, and awkward, and just all together exactly what you expect a kiss would be at 12.

It gets better.

When you break up with the boyfriend, use a better reason than it just isn't there. You are twelve. What was it? Was it ever there??

What was it??? Ten years later, I still don't know.

My final piece of advice to you is a doozy. You don't need to be popular. Don't be so obsessed with people liking you. The girl who claims she is going to make you popular isn't your friend. If she was, she wouldn't straight up tell you that you need to change for people to like you.

Save yourself the trouble, stay friends with the people who are your friends now. Don't take them for granted. Choosing to be friends with people who only like you if you change is setting yourself up for a lot of ups and downs in the friends department, when you already have some really good ones.

Spend more time with your family. Spend time with your brother. You don't know it now but this is the last time you two will ever live together. You'll miss him a lot, so enjoy it.

Remember that you are enough, sweet girl. You'll find people who love you.

Enjoy being a kid. It goes by way too fast.


Monday, June 19, 2017

When it rains, it pours.

We often hear the saying when it rains it pours, almost exclusively for bad things.

Bad things happen in threes, and Murphy's Law also propose that bad things happen almost always on top of each other.

I don't think so.

I think we get tested. I think that things happen in a way that will test your heart. Test your perseverance. Test your will to find the good in any situation and fight like hell to bring that good to the surface.

Once it's on the surface, we can revel in it.

Father's Day was yesterday, and when I was scrolling through pictures of my Dad and I, I came across one that almost made me cry just looking at it.



It was from last July, taken at 8:52 A.M.

It was a snapchat and while we're both smiling, there is so much going on under the surface.

Two nights before, I was in the hospital.

I had the worst anxiety attack of my life (and let me tell you, there's been many), and Matt was so overwhelmed with what was happening, he didn't know what else to do.

I'll be honest. I don't remember much of it. I remember bits of being in the hospital, but I was in such a state of panic and stress that I think my body shut down as a preservation method, to prevent me from reliving it.

The hospital had to call my parents. 

Dad drove in the next morning.

I was fine after. There were so many factors going on behind the scenes that contributed to that night, I am honestly surprised it didn't happen sooner.

I'm disappointed I didn't listen to the signs that attack showed me.

I remember calling mom the next morning and telling her what had happened leading up to that night, she said

"Do you want Dad to come in?"

I said "No, I'm okay"

She said "Jayne, he wants to come in. Is that okay?"

I just started to cry, so in he came.

My parents were 4.5 hours away.

Having my dad with me for those crucial 24 hours, was one of the most comforting, uplifting, heartwarming days I have spent with him. He just held me while I cried and cried. Talked when I wanted, and took silly snapchats with me.



I really think the world tests us, by having the worst happen all at once to see how we handle it, to make us strong and to make us appreciative.

Then we get the best.

Looking back, I am so proud of how I handled myself during that time. I can look back with a clear conscious and accept what happened.

It made me appreciate where I am now.

Now, I'm good.



Tuesday, June 13, 2017

Do we deserve it?






 I am still relatively knew to the blogging world. A couple months in and I hesitate to even call myself a Blogger.

If someone asks about it I am more likely to say "Yes, I blog a little bit" and leave it at that.

Unless I am talking to my mom or Matt, in which case I won't shut up about it.

However, I can say that throughout learning about blogging and the never ending research, tweeting, instagramming, hashtags, webinars, facebook groups and pinning (I barely pin) a lot more goes into a blog than I ever imagined. I spent 40 hours a week at my real life job and at least another 40 cultivating an image on social media that goes along with my brand.

Being someone who blogs means opening up in a way that I never thought I would before. I write what I wish people had been writing when I was going through my hard times. I have taken my twitter and Instagram off private so anyone can follow me, or retweet me, or screenshot my tweets and use them on their own.

While this has increased my interaction with fellow bloggers and I have met some wonderful people, it also opens me up to the world of "online trolls" and people who think they need to get their negative two cents in.

And it hurts.

As much as I wish I was a tough girl, who could ignore the negative comments and the online trolls, I can't.

Recently, I tweeted about something that was going on in the news, and it got picked up by a radio station.

When my co-worker told me I was SO EXCITED because

A) That's pretty cool

and

B) Maybe it would bring some new traffic here, yano, a girl can dream.

So when I finally looked, I was kinda bummed to see people commenting things like:

"Obviously... Who gives a flying Hoot. The fact hits made such a big deal out of this is gross"

or

"Anyone with 2 working eyes 👀  should of been able to see that."

While I totally agree these comments could have been waaaay meaner, they also could have been nicer too.

I firmly believe we get back what we put into the world, so I never can quite understand why you would waste your time shaming someone else's opinion.

If no one gives a flying hoot, why waste your time commenting then? Clearly you do give a hoot.

Maybe I asked for this by publicizing all my social medias, but let's just try to put a little bit more positive in the world today, okay? For everyone's sake.


Friday, June 9, 2017

Please Help Me.

 My birthday weekend is in 21 days ... 21 days AND COUNTING.

I've entered panic mode.

For me, birthdays have always been a big deal. I like to have #JaynesBirthdayWeek and for the most part all my birthdays have lived up to the hype (except for that one time I got dumped on my birthday, but that's a post for another day).

(Enjoying my birthday last year, with a 2/$5 Mimosa)

I am thinking I'm getting on track with the planning I have one birthday outfit already! A gingham romper from AEO with the cutest peek a boo hole in the front. However, since my birthday is on a long weekend I need an outfit for

Friday: At work + after work celebrations (A.K.A the Simple Plan concert)

Saturday: Birthday brunch outfit + Party outfit (romper?? It's Canada Day, please help. I want to be festive for both occasions.)

Sunday (Actual Birthday): Brunch + all day outfit.

So that is 5 outfits and I only have one !! I need suggestions - where do you all get your cute / comfy yet still celebratory outfits ?? I am at a loss, even though this outfit is speaking to me and I haven't been able to get it out of my mind.. So I might have 2/5 outfits before too long...

Also, apart from Canada's birthday bash I have no idea what I want to do for that weekend. Friday night and Saturday afternoon / night are taken care of, but what else? I always feel like birthday weekends need to made the most out of. When else can you do whatever you want and people have to agree with you, ya know?

I'm definitely thinking Yellowbelly for brunch one day, probably Sunday because it runs later than most places and 2/$5 mimosas??? I am there.
But other than that, I am tapped. I need suggestions.

And a few more important questions:
  • Those big helium balloons, do you buy them yourself? Ask someone to buy them? Do they just appear?
  • What are some fun birthday themed things you can do on your birthday in St. John's?
  • Is it necessary to have "22" by Taylor Swift on for the whole weekend? Or will just the day of my 22nd birthday suffice?

I'm also very excited for this birthday because it will be the first one Matt and I get to spend together!! He was in Florida last year, and while we made the best of it, I am looking forward to spending this day with him and seeing what he has up his sleeve!!

In other news, there are exciting changes ahead for Caffeine & Big Dreams that I am hoping I can share with you all soon! I don't want to say anything until the I's are dotted and the T's crossed but I can share that it is something I am working really, really hard on and I hope you will all love it!!

Until the time that I can release this news, ENJOY THE OWN DOMAIN I HAVE. I've been himming and hawing over taking this next step ever since I relaunched, but I have been going strong for three months and it is definitely something I want to pursue, I pulled the trigger!!

That's all for now! Enjoy your weekend and please get back to me with outfit + restaurant recs!!